oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
