she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
