To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
