Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
