I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
