i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
