AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize