We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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