matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
