i need an iv and a liver transplant
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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