i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
