So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
