Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
