tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
