Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
no, he came in my armpit
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
