so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
