Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize