My balls are so social today.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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