we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
How's work?
Spinning.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
They have beer where we have blood.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
