My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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