chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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