last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
