This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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