brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
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