he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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