After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
