omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
