Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize