Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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