you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
