I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
im six kinds of drunk right now
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
