tequila makes me forget i have legs
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize