We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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