she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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