Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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