I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
