Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
