I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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