Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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