like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
