Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
