my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Hippo gnu deer
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
