Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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