Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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