Small penises have feelings too.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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