yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
