I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
