wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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