Your dad touched me again.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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