I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
