she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
