i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
