You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
