I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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