whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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