We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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