How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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