Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
