whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
