Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
