The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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