I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
