you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
