i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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