I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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