first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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