Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
