Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just pee around me
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I have fence marks all over my body
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize