i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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