i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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