The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
