like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
