I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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