Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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