u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
