tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
