then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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